The Unforeseen Gift

“What are your highlights of 2014?”
A general question, but a needed one. Sometimes, it takes a minute or two to take a glimpse back & track down the moments. But in your unconscious realm, all it takes is a second or two to actually know the highlights that mostly matters and highly valued. I have looked down inside myself, and have found that exceptional highlight.
But i was astounded, the moment i knew. These highlights were unbelievably something i never contemplate before, nor something i have ever presume. This puts me down to a mistake, in the early 2014. I didn’t remember myself making any resolutions nor contemplations for the further days in the year. So perhaps, this was 1 cause. But i guess, i wanted life to surprise me, i wanted god to lead my way. Although, this was slightly risky, to have let your life soar in thin air, just being there, waiting for something inspiring to happen. But this doesn’t mean that it was with no effort. “Soaring in thin air” was highly effortful. I believe i was led to doors and possibilities, and for the rest, i was on my own. I was battling for that inspiring, valuable, and divine attainment. With gratefulness, i made it to the top.

I had myself being headed to the doors, doors with its different possibilities. I perceive these doors as gifts from god, that has led me into  a way. But somehow, this was not the point of my gratefulness.
As i head into the doors, they were not the moment of attainment, but just an entrance, the beginning of it. So i had to fight, to reach what lies near the exit, the glory. This place was an ongoing rollercoaster, level: supreme. It was a hair-raising, spine-chilling, blood-curdling ride, but that was the “life” of the whole process that i somehow found much enjoyment along it. And THIS became my point of gratefulness to god. God didn’t let me soar in obtuse unrealistic dreams, but it led me into life, into a realistic reality.

“Well dear, the wheel must keep rolling to get life going.”, a self interpreted message that i perceive as a message god tried to tell me, in a very gentle way. I was going strong. I was in a high speed level of pursuing my passions as a bridge of my dreams. I got the experience of a life time, the achievements of a life time, and also what my inner affection desires. I felt as if i was on top of the wheel. This point, was then the moment of fear i felt inside myself. I remembered a statement being uttered by a fellow whom i highly respect of its intelligent mind & perspective; “So, you are really on top of your game sy, you are on top of the wheel.”. This struck me like BAM. I couldn’t stop giving my blessings to god, for a life so beautiful. I was indeed feeling on top both internally (psychologically) and externally (in the case of pursuing my dreams). But.... i was in great horror, wondering how far the wheel might roll and how painful it might get. Because somehow, i know that the wheel will indeed, start rolling again.... and it did. On this case, it hit me hard, internally. I was in a thick layered fog, that made me have trouble breathing. But uniquely, i was still going strong externally, even stronger than before. I looked like a burgeoning being, that keeps growing and growing, externally. But the truth, i was devastated. No  one knew exactly what was going on inside me. They  see me as a liberty, standing gloriously and high. I had trouble finding my way in the fog. A part of me somehow got froze by the brutal fog components. I got myself wondering, where did i still get my source of power & energy to still perform at my very best externally, while i somehow feel i’ve lost it. I was lost. I was like an ongoing factory machine, kept being productive and yield great achievements & works. But does a machine have a soul? No.
“You know that once the wheel becomes stagnant, life stops. That’s not the point of life, you know that.”, another message sent under my unconsciousness that i had to dig deep in order to implement its true meanings. God knew i knew that all along, but my sight and mind was just blurred by the cruel fog. So this devastating moment was just a phase, where i had to stop by just for a while, in order to get back on track. I got up, although still a bit tumblin', but i rose.

Another point of gratefulness to god. God let me feel being on top, and also being at the very bottom of the wheel. It was a perfect cycle. It was a gift, an unforeseen one, Overall, i was more than blessed. My feet have laid steps on the most extreme places, my body have moved to the most alluring beats, my eyes have glared the most majestic sights and objects, my hands have been at its very productive point, and my soul have been in the most blessed and indescribable form.

A status symbol is formed socially. Somehow, your thoughts, mind, and perspective are structured socially. Yourself, is formed socially.
What becomes harmful, is positioned in a negative social environment. In the worst case, you become it. But i have always gratitude god, that have always placed me in the most positive environment, all along. I have been moving to places a lot, and welcoming new situations. But all along, god has always placed me with positive, true-to-self, and lovable beings. But what makes a person rely on others too much is because ones spend a lack of time with itself. Personal time is yet needed, crucially needed. Ones need to discover itself, know itself, and mark the value of its life. I do enjoy spending my time alone, in some moments. As i sit still with no faces recognizable, i can see the true reflection of myself and who i am. I could turn into the most melancholic and philosophical being when being alone, and just let my mind soar in the wilderness of my fantasy of realism. This saves me from being a person i am not. This lets me stay true to myself. It’s like rejecting the toxic of life. Especially being in the era where being harsh and widely spoken with no standard morals become general, in the era of social media.
Apart of its beneficial components, lies an unconscious sinful effect of this “primadonna” of the era. People become things they’re not, in the name of some unconscious reasons, as in the pleasure to be recognized. It changes people slowly and silently, in the name of numbers and hear & thumb shaped icons. Although this does not apply to everyone, just ones who have lack of knowledge of themselves, those who doesn’t have a grounded value of themselves and those who doesn’t know their true self. I made a term of obtuse actions in the social media as “the act of stupidity”- an unthoughtful action done with no standard morals, the act of loosing ones self. 2014, is the moment i have finally realized of this massively rapid act of stupidity done in the social media, and well have actually become a victim of it.  
It wasn’t a general hate comment, but more of an accusement terror with no basic validity & reliability. Sadly, it was beyond vacuous. It was actually a mass collaboration of terror. It was like a colony. It did struck me at some points, being accused for things i have no hands on and no idea what was going on. But as i calmed myself, proving to myself that this isn’t something that needs further attention, i neglected it. Despite spreading hatred back to the anonym subjects, i felt sympathic instead. While i have all the rights to show back abhorrence, i thought it will just turn me into 1 of them. Instead, this becomes an interesting topic to be further discovered and studied just in the form of knowledge. More of a psychological knowledge. Further findings, it did make me more sympathic. People don’t act stupid for no reason, it must be because of some factors in their life that pushes them to do so. Or factors that constructs their minds and thoughts into something negative, short, and close minded. You can never fully blame them. It has somehow become an unconscious negative form in ones self. Therefore i’ve learned, hatred should never be replied with hatred. If an act of kindness seems too much, showing no heck of a deal seems legit. Because after all, sometimes a form of hatred is just a way of seeking for attention.

If you asked me what was my “The theory of the year”, it would be The Law of Attraction. I wouldn’t want to explain it here, because i believe there are more valid explanation about this theory out there (or you can just google it, the easiest way). But simply, this world contents vibrations that cannot be seen, but is there. Unconsciously, can be felt. As we truly put our heart and mind on to something, ourself releases vibrations to “call” for those things you have planted in your heart and mind. In some cases, the “call” will get a “respond”. It’s just like a form of magnet. But you must keep in mind that those that will respond are not always what you want or like, but what you need and what has been deeply planted in the mind and heart. And in order to make a “call”, make sure it is truly  planted in your heart first, then transmit it into the mind.
So i was introduced to this theory by a best friend whom i like to share deep thoughts with. At first, i thought it was completely nonsense, because somehow it is beyond the logical mind. But that’s the thing about humans, we always think with our logic and always believe the logical. Though sometimes, you just gotta get out of that “logic circle”, because this world itself also consists the illogical.
Although i didn’t truly believe in it at first, i was still interested and wanted to know more. Until, i start to experience the whole theory. Perhaps, the term “ I start to experience” is a bit mistaken. What should be the term is, “I started to realize the theory has always been happening all along.”. It was just the matter of not yet realizing, and starting to realize. I then started to correlate things that had happened before into this theory. It is somehow a game of nature, a game of unconsciousness. U can now start to tell the difference between my wants, and my needs. This book i borrowed (and is still with me) from a very good friend, about the power of positive feeling, made it even clearer. The theory is not just stated, but also with valid real experiences.
So to get a good, happy, and positive life, always plant it deep down in your heart and mind, and truly believe in it. Then let nature make its calls for you. This might as well be a simple, yet good start for the year, 2015. :)

A closing of the year:
An award presented by Communication major students of University of Indonesia to me. Thank you :)
(2013 here means my generation, 2013)

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